Should I Stay in a Relationship that I am Unhappy with?

Should I stay in a Relationship, that I am not happy with?

​My Answer: Let’s explore this concern from a different angle. Maybe this unhappiness is telling you more than it’s not working. Maybe it’s telling you to address some deficits you have overlooked for too long in the way you both relate to one another.  

How you feel in the relationship matters but your relationship's sustainability is not based on just feelings. Feelings are a tool you can use to identify challenges as well as evaluate progress towards overcoming them on some level. But emotions alone do not carry the health of the relationship. How you think of yourself and your partner in the relationship matters. Also what you do in your relationship matters. 

Maybe instead of embracing the emotions of unhappiness, frustration, disappointment, or discouragement, one can acknowledge that the Lord is calling you both to grow. Unhappiness is merely an indicator that growth needs to occur. Is the relationship failing as indicated by your unhappiness? or is God calling you to address some deficits in your relationship in order to have a relationship experience beyond this emotion?

  I read a post on Facebook by someone that asked for a prophetic word to tell them if they should be in the relationship or not, an answer that  “yes, they should keep the relationship ” or “no, the relationship is over”. This is a very passive way to say “I don’t know how to be in relationship with this person and I need help.”Let me say this... It is ok to admit you need help. Sometimes that is where healing can begin.   Here’s a tangent thought... Even in “just meeting someone”, a person wants to know if this is “The one” or “Am I wasting my time?”
Sure, the Lord can bring you together “divinely” but you still have to 1. accept the answer, once received if “yes”, and 2. accept responsibility to mature yourself in the relationship. Learning to be the partner your mate needs and vice versa doesn’t always come through a natural process. ​
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Beginning the Healing Process

Sometimes it takes the assistance of others trained and anointed to assist in the area of relationships. Regardless of an answer being “Yes, he is the one.” Whether new or a long term partner, you both equally have to make the same decision to accept and mature in the relationship together. 
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A Biblical Example of God Intervention in Relationship. What it is, What it isn't.

From the Bible, let’s look at Mary and Joseph’s relationship. Joseph didn’t like the circumstance he was in with Mary. If you recall Mary informed him she was pregnant. In the midst of this, Joseph flat out was deciding he did not want to be in the relationship. He was not happy.  God intervened through an angel, to say do not be afraid to take unto you Mary, your wife, into your home. (Read Matthew chapter 1:20.) After getting clarity on if the relationship was from God and if he should keep it, he still had to choose to be in the relationship. Obviously, we know the story. He chose to be in the relationship. However, Joseph was not aware of the struggle that would follow the choice but he trusted God. That was the first step. Trusting God and accepting the relationship. However, your road to understanding and supporting each other may not be predictable after that decision.  After receiving direction from God, he over road his emotions and concerns to move forward in the relationship. This is a profound insight. God can shift the direction of a thing, even override our emotions. He through this example highlights that he has power even over emotions. I digress, my point is that the answer by itself is not enough whether it comes from a prophet or not. If you are called to this person and they you, you will still need to learn how to be in relationship with each other in a way that works for both of you. 

Obtain appropriate resources

Maybe I don’t know all about your circumstances governing your unhappiness, one should never base a life decision on a mere post/article. However going to a Christian counselor to assist you in this effort may help.  Getting the resources and training as a couple can help you overcome the deficits that try your relationship. Consider joining our Happy Marriage Pact community.  There is content and support there that may help. Stay encouraged. - Your brother in Christ. (Calvin)

Do you need to understand yourself? Need more information to stand through your challenges? Do you want healthier coping skills for yourself, more connection with your partner, more fulfilling scenarios for your relationship?
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Calvin Smith, MA, LPC- Supervisor
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Sometimes your happiness and satisfaction in your relationship means being able to have resources available to you that can help you both mature and stay well rounded in your mutual supports to one another.  Immerse yourself in couple's education, training and supports that help you resolve the deficits in your relationship. (Join our Happy Marriage Pact Online Community)

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